Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Dick very happy bro
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
