Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
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