The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
