id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize