On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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