Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
