Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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