I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
you win again, gameday.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize