he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
