i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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