Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
