I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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