I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
