...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
