I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I deserve this hangover.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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