it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
