whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Randomize
