she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
