We're facebook friends in real life
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
