Got a toothbrush?
so explain again why im purple
no
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
