I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
high people should be assigned attendants
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
