capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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