Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
