Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Randomize
