Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
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