Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
