If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
