No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
