How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
