ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Randomize
