dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize