What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
