i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Randomize
