Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Randomize
