I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
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