I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
