Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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