I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
