I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
