First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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