just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Your penis caused this!
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
