OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
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