Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
