Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Randomize
