I accidentally had phone sex last night
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
