Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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