Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
