Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize