The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
