and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
