You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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