"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
