There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
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