Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
