So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
