Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
