I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
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