since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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