who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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