Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
