I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Randomize
