Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Randomize
