Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Randomize
