he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
