I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
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