i just identified you from a description of your pipe
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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