I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Randomize
