Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Randomize