im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
