apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Randomize
