so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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