She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
