Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
